Mama in Colour

A lot of folks don’t believe me when I tell them, but Valentine’s Day is my husband’s favorite holiday. If you knew Sean really well, you would completely understand why this makes sense. He is very sentimental and simply loves love. He also loves anything with hearts and anything cute. There are more times than I can count that I have seen my lanky, six foot plus husband be moved to tears by something that touched his spirit. It could be a cute commercial, a song that moves him; most frequently it is when one of our children does something funny or cute or sweet. It is just as charming and endearing as it sounds.

His outlook on Valentine’s Day made me see it in a completely different way than I ever did before. I’ll be completely honest; I never gave it much thought. I am someone who is deep down a sensitive and emotional person but that is only something that I am just coming to embrace as I have gotten into my 30’s. So many things happened in my life where I felt like I had to be so strong and together that I didn't let myself outwardly show a lot of what I was feeling. I would plan cute things for my oldest son and love on my friends because love doesn’t just mean romantic relationships to me. As far as romantic relationships before my husband, though? I acted aloof and like I thought the whole thing was hokey. Why? Because I knew that was what was expected of me by previous partners. If I showed any kind of interest in Valentine’s Day it was met with negativity. When you are used to that sort of thing you just stop caring. Or at least tell yourself to stop caring.

With Sean, it was a whole different game. He loves me so well and so good every day of the year but he sees Valentine’s Day as a way to just love on me a little more in a way that doesn’t have anything to do with extravagant gifts or an expensive dinner out. Honestly most years we haven’t even done anything like that. Either it isn’t in our budget or we had Nate. And then Ezra. And now Micah too. Family dates are our jam now and our money goes towards things like groceries and diapers. That within itself has so much everyday beauty to it because it is a symbol of the life we have created together. We have the family life both of us always needed but didn’t have.

Every year he writes me something. It is always loving, it is always funny, and it is always just exactly everything I could ask for. I know I have a rare breed of partner that unabashedly will write me a love letter, much less be vocal and outward with his love every day. I’m a lucky woman. Even more so, he loves me in a way that has made me love myself more than I ever have. For all of my flaws and my imperfections I am secure in the knowledge that he loves the whole package of who I am. Seeing myself through his eyes has made me want to see what he sees.

Someone’s love cannot give you self-esteem. Someone’s love cannot compensate for how you feel about yourself. Someone’s love can be transformative and cause you to look within and find all of the ways in which you can fall in love with yourself on your own accord. Aside from helping me create two of our three children, that is the greatest gift he has ever given me.

Sean is the best man I know; a lot of people will attest to the fact that he is the best man that they know as well. His heart is unmatched and even though he is a gentle person don’t mistake that for him being a pushover. He is such a family man and the way he adores his children moves me more than I can really put into words.

So this Thursday, I know part of the day will be just like any other Thursday. He will go to work, I will be home with the kids. All of the same annoyances and mundane chores will happen. I know, though, that the day will still be special and so full of love because I am surrounded by it every day.