Mama in Colour

Not a Wine Mom: Being Sober By Choice

Filed Under: Life // April 13, 2020

It often feels like there are two different camps of folks; either you are a 'wine mom' who loves kicking back with a glass or two or you are someone with addiction issues (which let me stop and say this; addicts need love and compassion, not judgement) who completely has to avoid alcohol for vital reasons.

I honestly feel like I come across few people like me; folks who used to drink, never had  a drinking problem, but just made the choice one day to stop. We don't often hear those stories being told as loudly, so I have been wanting to share mine because I know there are plenty of us out there.

The choice I made to not drink anymore was really sort of a whim and the first thoughts of it were an even bigger one; I never had been a super heavy drinker but like a lot of people, I enjoyed a few glasses of wine or a couple of beers on occasion. I had my share of silly and incredibly drunken moments when I was in my early 20's but thankfully I got through it without any major fallout. I was between pregnancies with Ezra and Micah (who take note are only 14 1/2 months apart) and I remember getting a six pack of rose cider and trying to get myself excited about having a couple. It just felt like it made sense; of COURSE I was excited to have alcohol again! I had just been pregnant, and now I could drink again! That is exciting!

...Or was it really? To be truthful, I felt a lot more pressure from the outside world of being able to be like "What a relief, I can drink again!" than I felt genuine excitement about it. I drank those couple ciders and I ended up feeling physically terrible. My head pounded like I had been on a bender or something and it was awful. I chalked it up to not having drank in a long time, but didn't think too much of it. Cue a few months later and I found out that I was pregnant with Micah again, I wasn't drinking again. The thought admittedly didn't cross my mind, I was too busy with the whirlwind of having two babies so close together completely by surprise.

Then we get to New Years Eve 2018; I was not pregnant and ready to rock. We got some wine because yet again...of COURSE you celebrate the New Year with a little bit of wine! And again, I had a small amount (one glass) and ended up feeling really sick afterwards. And yet again, I just didn't think much of it since it had been a while since I drank.

So I tried again a couple of nights later.

And I had the same result; felt incredibly sick.

That is when I truly asked myself why I felt like I had to keep trying to do something that didn't make me feel good. Why did I have to keep doing something because it was what I was 'supposed' to do? It doesn't matter that I used to drink, it doesn't matter how it used to make me feel. What mattered was that it didn't make me feel good NOW. It wasn't something that I felt that I wanted to keep trying to do, even if I got to a point where it didn't make me feel sick.

So since January 2019, I officially have considered myself a non-drinker.

I won't lie, I didn't talk much about it at first. It wasn't because I felt like I wanted to hide it, it just was something I didn't feel like I really needed to make a big statement about. I told Sean and my closest friends, and really just kept it at that.

Then the world started creeping in, though. I would be involved in conversations that would have to do with alcohol. I would see all of the images online, the memes, all of the chatter surrounding wine moms, and being a wine mom, and having all your friends be wine moms too. I started telling people with conviction that I didn't drink, not thinking that I would really have to explain myself or that it would be a big deal.

Y'all, was I wrong about that one.

The most common question I get when I talk about being sober is if I am an alcoholic. It isn't something that I feel ashamed or embarrassed about answering, but I find it very odd how many people assume that you cannot simply choose to not drink without having a problem with addiction. People seem incredulous that there isn't a 'reason'. That it isn't addiction, that it isn't religion, that there isn't a reason simply beyond I just don't want to. It really makes me think about the grip and overwhelming normalization alcohol has in our world.

The reaction that honestly bothers me the most is when I'm in social circles in my life and people tell me that they don't know how I do it with two toddlers so close in age without drinking at night. That sounds so unreal right? I wish I could say that it was, but it isn't. I'm really honest about the fact that life with two little ones that are close in age is HARD. There is no doubt about that and I would never try to gloss over it. I don't like the assumption that to get through it, I should need to drink, though. When alcohol becomes a coping mechanism, that isn't just relaxing; that's being on your way to a drinking problem.

I write all of this because I really want to stress to other moms (and dads and parents of all genders) that you don't have to feel pressured to drink if you don't want to. You don't have to have a reason and you don't owe anyone answers about it. There are so many things in our society that have a way of getting in our heads and thinking there is only one right or wrong way to do something. You are in charge of your story and your destiny. You are able to add chapters, change the narrative, create a whole new ending. That power is up to YOU.

And if you are someone who is on the same path as me or are looking to start it, please don't hesitate to contact me if you need a like-minded ear. I might not want to chop it up over a glass of wine, but I am always down to connect over a cold can of (non-diet) Coke.

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Hello There!

I'm Erica Alayne Padilla (they/them), but you can call me Layne, and Mama in Colour is my space to wax poetic about all the things that I am passionate about. There is always going to be a little fashion, a little parenting, a whole lot of social justice and opinions on various things, about my experience as a non-binary human, and whatever else is on my brain. I am mama to three beautiful and brilliant children and spouse to an amazing man. I'm an ardent lover of coffee, cardigans, and unironically watching basically every show on Bravo. I hope you pull up a chair and decide to stay awhile. <3

xoxo, L

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LP ✨
Part of my journey with my body is to jump out of Part of my journey with my body is to jump out of my comfort zone. Even when it feels silly or uncomfortable; maybe even ESPECIALLY when it feels that way. For me it’s about getting out of my head about the size of my body and just living my life freely and unabashedly. I turned 40 a few months ago and I spent too much of my first 40 years letting ideas about my body hold me back and I don’t want to spend the next 40 years in that mindset. So it’s all about having fun, being silly, dancing when I feel like it, and covering my body with things that make me feel good. ⁣
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Thank you to @thirdlove for #gifting me their iconic 24/7 Classic T Shirt Bra because it certainly makes me feel that way! It features their signature memory foam cups which form to your unique shape, so you get a comfortable and smooth fit. I am super picky about bras (y’all know I am primarily a bralette type of person) and the comfort and style of this one can’t be beat and is for sure going in my bra rotation. 💜⁣
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#ThirdLovePartner #MyThirdLove
Today marks ten years since Trayvon Martin was mur Today marks ten years since Trayvon Martin was murdered. Ten years in which a 17 year old kid would have grown into a now 27 year old adult. ⁣
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Sometimes the question of what ‘radicalized’ you comes up, and I can say absolutely with my whole heart his death and the aftermath of that is what changed me. It’s what compelled me to never be silent, to keep fighting, to not be complacent. A lifetime of masking my feelings and pain when it came to racism and injustice opened up inside of me and I was to never be the same. ⁣
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And frankly? I don’t WANT to be the same. ⁣
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I look back at the last ten years, and I see how little we have truly learned and changed on the whole, and it angers me but I also take that anger to keep up the fight. To keep speaking out, no matter how many people try to silence me, hop in my DMs thinking they are hurting me, no matter how scared I feel. ⁣
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I do it for and because of Trayvon. ⁣
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A child who’s name I should never have known. ⁣
Main Character Energy. ⚡️✨⁣ ⁣ #mainchara Main Character Energy. ⚡️✨⁣
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#maincharacterenergy #f21xme #streetstyleinspo #allblackeverything #androgynousstyle #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
My three year old took this photo. He has started My three year old took this photo. He has started wanting to take my phone so he can “do a picture” as he calls it and this was from this morning. I messed with the color on it simply because I wanted to, but the framing and the photo is all him. It is so fun to see our kids cultivate talents at things they love. I won’t even lie, it is shocking to see how good his photos have been but at the same time I tell myself that kids are constantly doing pretty cool things, you have have to take the time to really pay attention. ⁣
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So this is a little sign this Monday to really look at your kids and what they love, no matter how young they are. If they love drawing, taking photos, music, whatever it may be; encourage that love and allow them to explore and discover and find what makes them tick. ⁣
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#raisingtoddlers #respectfulparenting #attachmentparenting #gentleparenting #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
While I appreciate people who have perfect feeds a While I appreciate people who have perfect feeds and beautiful aesthetics and a neutral vibe, I have to keep it real; that just isn’t me. And you know what? THAT IS OKAY!⁣
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It’s easy for a lot of people to get caught up in what they see on these apps and think somehow someone else’s vibe is ‘better’ or ‘prettier’ than theirs, but that really isn’t rooted in truth. Nothing is more beautiful than being who you are. You can appreciate what others bring to the table without it being your style or it taking shine off of yours. ⁣
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And for ME? That is fun and kind of trippy edits, colors, interesting graphics, just using this medium as one big art project. Is that for everyone? No way! And that’s super cool with me because I love my vibe and that’s what truly matters. ⁣
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Life is too short to not lean into who you are, especially on social media. ✨⁣
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P.S. This flawless coverall is going to be coming down the pipe soon from @wearewildfang! I’ll let y’all know when it drops and thanks to the Wildfang crew for #gifting it to me, I love it so much. 💜⁣
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#unapologeticallyme #acolorstory #genderneutral #genderneutralclothing #wearewildfang #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
There was no time for cute new photos or a fancy d There was no time for cute new photos or a fancy dinner or flowers or chocolate (neither which I actually like anyway!) but enough about what there isn’t and more on what there is; no matter what, there is companionship, trust, understanding, laugher, and a whole lot of love. That is so valuable and I am so glad that we choose to do life together. ⁣
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This sort of holiday is polarizing with a lot of folks and I get that but I also learned from Sean (because this is legit his fave holiday) that there is nothing wrong with having a day to be especially sweet to the people you love. And that doesn’t have to be a partner; that’s friends, family, and especially yourself. ⁣
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So cheers to love in our lives in whatever form it may come because they are all important and worthy of celebration. ❤️⁣
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#valentinesday #blacklove #blackmarriage #selflove #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
✨ TW: past disordered eating/orthorexia ✨⁣
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Gone are the days that I agonize over every bite of food I put in my mouth. ⁣
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Gone are the days where I count calories and fat grams and think about how much exercise it’s going to take to work off a meal or a snack or a stick of gum or a mint. ⁣
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Gone are the days where I focus so deeply on projecting ‘health’ and believing the lie that being thin is the only way to look healthy. ⁣
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Gone are the days where I put my worth into if I am ‘healthy’ or not because health isn’t an indicator of if I am worthy of being treated like a human being. ⁣
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And though those days have been gone, I am painfully aware of how they could creep up out of no where and take over my brain again. ⁣
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Because those things are an addiction. ⁣
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And I was an addict. ⁣
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I was addicted to the control, addicted to the messages I was taught that fat is bad, addicted to wanting so desperately for someone to notice I was slowly slipping away. ⁣
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And I’ll spend every day of the rest of my life keeping myself in a state of recovery. ⁣
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#eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorderwarrior #orthorexiarecovery #justeatthemeal #fatpositive #bodyneutrality #bodyneutral #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
I am a lot happier on this app without the pressur I am a lot happier on this app without the pressure to post. The pressure to have some kind of post every day, to say something witty or profound, to be seen so hopefully I’ll get noticed by brands so I can work even though I have always taken jobs on my own terms. Now I just exist as I want. I haven’t posted on my feed in a week because I simply didn’t have anything to say. I have been so immersed in my death doula training as well, which if you watch my stories or follow me on my page for that (@queencitydeathdoula) you know that it’s changed my life completely and I know for sure I have found my calling. ⁣
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It feels freeing to just be. If I want to post once a week, I will. If I want to post three times a day, I will. My bank account is sure smaller without getting many influencer job offers anymore or actively hustling to get them, but my heart is bigger, growing, glowing, feeling, all the things. And while I’m not going to say that losing income is worth it because my family is the working poor and statements like that frankly are for people with no money issues (which we have) or that I’ll never take another influencer job again, I feel like I’m where I need to be and whatever opportunity is next will happen. ⁣
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#nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
Just a reminder to my Black non-binary, gender non Just a reminder to my Black non-binary, gender non-conforming, and trans folks in particular as well as my Black folks that are a part of the LGBTQ+ community on the whole:
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This #blackhistorymonth don’t forget that you yourself are Black History. ⁣
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And it isn’t about your accomplishments, being part of LLC Twitter (IYKYK), what your degree is or how much money you make, or if you are lauded on the internet. It’s about every day that you make the choice to get out of bed. It’s about every day that you are still here, even when sometimes it’s feels too hard to be. It’s about existing in a world that doesn’t ‘get it’ and is already a hard walk because of the truth of systemic racism, but you live with even further marginalization. It’s about the fact that you are actively choosing day by day, minute by minute, even second by second, to simply exist. And to maybe flourish, maybe thrive, but don’t lose sight that just EXISTING is worthy of praise. ⁣
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I’m proud of you all. ⁣
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And I’m proud of me too. ⁣
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With All My Love,⁣
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Your non-binary queer Mama, L ✨⁣
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#iamblackhistory #blackhistory #bhm #blacklivesmatter #youareblackhistory#blacktranslivesmatter #blackandlgbtq #oneofthem #blackandnonbinary #blackandtrans #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
I said what I said and I mean what I say. ⁣ ⁣ I said what I said and I mean what I say. ⁣
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If there is any place within a movement for symbols of hate or a comparison to the civil rights movement or the Holocaust? It’s racist. It’s anti-semitic. ⁣
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And as you have the ‘freedom’ to make that choice to be a part of something like that? I and others have the ‘freedom’ to say we think it’s trash. ⁣
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I am actually pretty grateful I have seen some people come out in support of all of this because it’s let me know that for me, they are not safe people and not people I need in my life. Keep that honesty coming. I am sure there will be more because things like this empower folks to let their true colors show. ⁣
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Racism and anti-semitism isn’t just an American problem; it’s global.
Folks have this misconception sometimes that margi Folks have this misconception sometimes that marginalized people always want to be ‘understood’, so said marginalized people are supposed to just put up with whatever in the name of being understood. ⁣
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Can I let you in on a secret that pertains to me?⁣
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I don’t give a crap if people understand me. ⁣
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I’m not going to turn myself inside out in the hopes people can understand my life. I am all for people who want to have a respectful discussion with me, but my goal in life isn’t to do a bunch of emotional labor so people that are determined to believe that something is wrong about me can magically somehow ‘get it’. ⁣
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Get it, or don’t. Like me, or don’t. Want to learn, or don’t. That isn’t on me and isn’t my focus. I’m not a textbook or a search engine. I don’t make my life centered around understanding and approval from other people, beloveds. ⁣
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#nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary  #blackandnonbinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
This is me last night as I was about to start my p This is me last night as I was about to start my pre-work for the end of life doula courses that I will be starting the first week of February through @inelda_doulas. This process of starting this journey has been a few years in the making and I am so happy to be starting it with a program that is focused on equity and inclusivity. My greatest dream with this journey is to be able to serve marginalized communities and provide the dying with guidance, love, support, and most of all compassion. ⁣
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I have never felt so called to do something in my life and to be in my 40th year of life, finally walking in my purpose, is beyond any words I have. 💜⁣
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#deathworker #deathdoula #deathmidwife #deathisnottaboo #endoflifedoula #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
Caturday ✨⁣ ⁣ #lazysaturday #catsofinstagram Caturday ✨⁣
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#lazysaturday #catsofinstagram #caturday #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
We got snow again and everyone in the house is asl We got snow again and everyone in the house is asleep but me, so I went outside alone to enjoy the stillness and breathe it in. It was glorious. It was good to have that moment alone, with myself, by myself, with nothing but magic and quiet around me. Pure bliss just exactly when I needed it. ⁣
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And I know the snow and cold isn’t everyone’s scene, and that’s fine of course; but it’s mine and this was a precious moment so please don’t rain (or should I say snow? 😆) on my moment simply because you’d prefer something different. That’s the beauty of life, we can all find magic in different things. ⁣
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#snowstorm #carolinasnow #charlottenc #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
“Some days are good; some days are not so good. “Some days are good; some days are not so good. Some days are really exciting. Some days are just tedious. You just have to get up out of bed.” - André Leon Talley 🖤⁣
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#andreleontalley #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
Here is something to share so y’all can stop man Here is something to share so y’all can stop manipulating quotes from MLK to fit in with your narrative. Read these words and let them sink in, and consider your role in 2022 in being anti-racist. We are looking for accomplices, not allies. ⁣
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Black folks have been weary of the last couple of years. Where ‘BLM’ was considered a trend and then was cast aside when it felt too uncomfortable and hard to keep the work up.⁣
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Take this day to actually dig deep and choose if you are just going to share tired whitewashed quotes, or are you actually going to do the work. And then DO THE WORK. Don’t tell us about what your plan is, don’t expect cookies and high fives. ⁣
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Just. Do. The. Work. ⁣
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Let that speak for you. ⁣
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#mlkday #mlkquote #blacklivesmatter #stopkillingus #antiracist #accomplice #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
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