Mama in Colour

Why I am a Failed ‘Influencer’ (And Why That is a Good Thing)

Filed Under: Life // July 4, 2021

I am sure the title of this blog is somehow shocking to people or I will have people taking issue with me calling myself a 'failure' at something, but just hear me out here. This is a story that actually has a really good outcome so just keep reading and you will see. Failure sometimes just means it takes you to what your purpose actually is.

December 2018 is when I started my journey with monetizing social media as a job. I purchased my domain for my blog, started trying to curate my Instagram feed a little (my Instagram had been my personal account, and I just switched it over). I was someone that had started and stopped so many blogs and Instagram accounts, and since I had stopped working at my full time job when I was pregnant with my youngest child, I figured now I would actually have the time to see if I could make fetch happen. I won't even lie, it wasn't easy. There is both so much information about being an influencer, yet so few people are willing to actually have conversations with you about it or answer any questions. There are so many times I saw people that I admired in the industry and were successful, and when I reached out to them with basic questions (not asking for contacts, for details, for 'trade secrets', for any of that) and I was met with rudeness or links to programs I would have to pay for that I couldn't afford. This isn't me saying that people shouldn't be paid for their expertise, but when your question is a simple "Hey, love your content! What program do to use to edit your photos?", and it is met with "I don't share that, sorry, but buy my $500 course to find out", it starts to feel like you are trying to get into a club and being told you aren't wearing the dress code, but no one will tell you what the dress code actually is. I could write a whole post about my feelings on this, because I know there is a lot of polarizing thoughts and opinions on information sharing within the influencer world, but that is another subject for another time.

Slowly but surely, I started to see 'success', or what is defined as success as an influencer. I started working with more brands. I joined rewardStyle (and affiliate linking program to get commission on folks purchases of items you recommend) because that felt like the thing to do if you were posting about fashion even a little bit. I got to the magical 10K number that so many influencers stress because it is dangled as a bait for more jobs, better paying jobs, jobs with larger companies. So much of what I was applying for wanted the 10K, wanted the swipe up. I got to a point of where I felt like once I got to 10K, that would be when I would be legit and real and I would somehow stop feeling the stress of trying to 'make it'.

Spoiler alert; I was really wrong about that.

I'm going to be completely transparent; once I got past 10K, it was easier to get jobs. I was working with more and more brands. Despite the fact that this was my job now, I was still trying to be as thoughtful with the projects that I took on, but like a lot of jobs, sometimes we end up doing things that just don't feel like we are being ourselves because we need to get paid. I enjoyed the products that I was promoting, but after a certain point I grew weary of just talking about vacuum cleaners and sneakers and trying endless skincare products feeling like I must have looked fake as hell because who really tries skincare like that all the damn time and seriously loves it all and uses it all...all the time? I noticed that my posts about more serious things I wanted to talk about didn't get much traction. Everyone wanted influencers to be 'real', but no one was down to engage with posts about race, body neutrality, or politics. It confused me and left me feeling aimless and like I was building a brand and business on only part of who I really was. I kept throwing in the posts I really wanted to share that didn't have to do with making a dime, though. I had to or else I would have felt completely lost. To say nothing of the fact that I didn't blog much at all because I barely felt like I had time for it, which hurt because writing is truly my first love.

And then the pandemic happened.

And then George Floyd was murdered.

And my whole world turned upside down and something inside of me just broke.

I started sharing what was on my heart completely. I started talking openly about the complexities of being a Black influencer, and the fact that so many of us are paid less (some people DO talk and trust me; it's real), are offered less lucrative jobs, are offered less money for more work. About my frustrations with police brutality. About experiencing financial hardships, about having a car repossessed, about us being down a whole income because of the pandemic. I just let it all flow out of me.

I realized that for me, I was approaching all of this wrong. At the heart of it all, I wanted to use whatever influence I had for change, for healing, for marginalized people to feel less alone in a world that often neglects them, and for non-marginalized people to wake up to that. And I do love fashion, I love sharing about items that I enjoy, I love promoting products that I actually like and feel value in.

But I love being an advocate more.

This has made my social media an interesting place. I am very picky about the brands I work with, and will only do so if I find true value in them and I feel like other people will. I only will do so with the caveat that I will not be pushy and I am not a salesperson. I still have my rewardStyle account, but I don't link to it much, and always heavily disclose that it is an affiliate link when I do. I talk a lot about my own personal growth, coming into my own as a recently out non-binary individual. I talk about being queer and married to a cis het man. I talk about raising a gay and gender fluid teenager. I talk about pretty outfits. I talk about my recovery from my eating disorder and being body neutral. I talk about being a tireless advocate and defender of Black people and challenging racism both on and off social media. I unabashedly talk about politics, ableism, homophobia, transphobia. I also really love to chat about good food.

All in all, some of that has for sure alienated people. I have been unfollowed by many, have had people tell me they liked my 'old' content better, when I was less transparent, when I didn't talk about things that they don't agree with, don't like, don't understand. I for sure have been offered less and less paid gigs, which make no mistake, as picky as I am about, I still will take if I feel good about it.

At the same time, though, I have gotten so many wonderful messages from people who appreciate what I am putting out into the world, and support me fully as who I am. I loathe the term that Instagram is a 'highlight reel', because it truly is YOUR highlight reel, and it can be as real or as fake was you want it to be. At the end of the day, my content is for the supporters and the haters. For the supporters to take what they need to from it, and for the haters to maybe stick around and learn something, or ultimately keep it moving. I don't expect to be for everyone, and that too is okay.

So yes, in the traditional sense I am a failed influencer. I realized I just wasn't good at playing the game, about curating my feed and ultimately my life, stressing the numbers and the algorithm, feeling the pressure to be a salesperson. This isn't me saying anything is wrong with those things, either; I have friends that are successful and wonderful influencers who bring a lot of value to that space, and it is truly their calling. It simply isn't mine.

Does this mean that *I* am a failure, though? Not a chance.

You may also like

About mamaincolour

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Hello There!

I'm Erica Alayne Padilla (they/them), but you can call me Layne, and Mama in Colour is my space to wax poetic about all the things that I am passionate about. There is always going to be a little fashion, a little parenting, a whole lot of social justice and opinions on various things, about my experience as a non-binary human, and whatever else is on my brain. I am mama to three beautiful and brilliant children and spouse to an amazing man. I'm an ardent lover of coffee, cardigans, and unironically watching basically every show on Bravo. I hope you pull up a chair and decide to stay awhile. <3

xoxo, L

Contact Me!

Looking to collaborate? Or just want to chat? Send me an e-mail and let me know! Media kit available upon request.

  • erica@mamaincolour.com

IG

mamaincolour

LP ✨
Part of my journey with my body is to jump out of Part of my journey with my body is to jump out of my comfort zone. Even when it feels silly or uncomfortable; maybe even ESPECIALLY when it feels that way. For me it’s about getting out of my head about the size of my body and just living my life freely and unabashedly. I turned 40 a few months ago and I spent too much of my first 40 years letting ideas about my body hold me back and I don’t want to spend the next 40 years in that mindset. So it’s all about having fun, being silly, dancing when I feel like it, and covering my body with things that make me feel good. ⁣
⁣
Thank you to @thirdlove for #gifting me their iconic 24/7 Classic T Shirt Bra because it certainly makes me feel that way! It features their signature memory foam cups which form to your unique shape, so you get a comfortable and smooth fit. I am super picky about bras (y’all know I am primarily a bralette type of person) and the comfort and style of this one can’t be beat and is for sure going in my bra rotation. 💜⁣
⁣
#ThirdLovePartner #MyThirdLove
Today marks ten years since Trayvon Martin was mur Today marks ten years since Trayvon Martin was murdered. Ten years in which a 17 year old kid would have grown into a now 27 year old adult. ⁣
⁣
Sometimes the question of what ‘radicalized’ you comes up, and I can say absolutely with my whole heart his death and the aftermath of that is what changed me. It’s what compelled me to never be silent, to keep fighting, to not be complacent. A lifetime of masking my feelings and pain when it came to racism and injustice opened up inside of me and I was to never be the same. ⁣
⁣
And frankly? I don’t WANT to be the same. ⁣
⁣
I look back at the last ten years, and I see how little we have truly learned and changed on the whole, and it angers me but I also take that anger to keep up the fight. To keep speaking out, no matter how many people try to silence me, hop in my DMs thinking they are hurting me, no matter how scared I feel. ⁣
⁣
I do it for and because of Trayvon. ⁣
⁣
A child who’s name I should never have known. ⁣
Main Character Energy. ⚡️✨⁣ ⁣ #mainchara Main Character Energy. ⚡️✨⁣
⁣
#maincharacterenergy #f21xme #streetstyleinspo #allblackeverything #androgynousstyle #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
My three year old took this photo. He has started My three year old took this photo. He has started wanting to take my phone so he can “do a picture” as he calls it and this was from this morning. I messed with the color on it simply because I wanted to, but the framing and the photo is all him. It is so fun to see our kids cultivate talents at things they love. I won’t even lie, it is shocking to see how good his photos have been but at the same time I tell myself that kids are constantly doing pretty cool things, you have have to take the time to really pay attention. ⁣
⁣
So this is a little sign this Monday to really look at your kids and what they love, no matter how young they are. If they love drawing, taking photos, music, whatever it may be; encourage that love and allow them to explore and discover and find what makes them tick. ⁣
⁣
#raisingtoddlers #respectfulparenting #attachmentparenting #gentleparenting #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
While I appreciate people who have perfect feeds a While I appreciate people who have perfect feeds and beautiful aesthetics and a neutral vibe, I have to keep it real; that just isn’t me. And you know what? THAT IS OKAY!⁣
⁣
It’s easy for a lot of people to get caught up in what they see on these apps and think somehow someone else’s vibe is ‘better’ or ‘prettier’ than theirs, but that really isn’t rooted in truth. Nothing is more beautiful than being who you are. You can appreciate what others bring to the table without it being your style or it taking shine off of yours. ⁣
⁣
And for ME? That is fun and kind of trippy edits, colors, interesting graphics, just using this medium as one big art project. Is that for everyone? No way! And that’s super cool with me because I love my vibe and that’s what truly matters. ⁣
⁣
Life is too short to not lean into who you are, especially on social media. ✨⁣
⁣
P.S. This flawless coverall is going to be coming down the pipe soon from @wearewildfang! I’ll let y’all know when it drops and thanks to the Wildfang crew for #gifting it to me, I love it so much. 💜⁣
⁣
#unapologeticallyme #acolorstory #genderneutral #genderneutralclothing #wearewildfang #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
There was no time for cute new photos or a fancy d There was no time for cute new photos or a fancy dinner or flowers or chocolate (neither which I actually like anyway!) but enough about what there isn’t and more on what there is; no matter what, there is companionship, trust, understanding, laugher, and a whole lot of love. That is so valuable and I am so glad that we choose to do life together. ⁣
⁣
This sort of holiday is polarizing with a lot of folks and I get that but I also learned from Sean (because this is legit his fave holiday) that there is nothing wrong with having a day to be especially sweet to the people you love. And that doesn’t have to be a partner; that’s friends, family, and especially yourself. ⁣
⁣
So cheers to love in our lives in whatever form it may come because they are all important and worthy of celebration. ❤️⁣
⁣
#valentinesday #blacklove #blackmarriage #selflove #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
✨ TW: past disordered eating/orthorexia ✨⁣
⁣
Gone are the days that I agonize over every bite of food I put in my mouth. ⁣
⁣
Gone are the days where I count calories and fat grams and think about how much exercise it’s going to take to work off a meal or a snack or a stick of gum or a mint. ⁣
⁣
Gone are the days where I focus so deeply on projecting ‘health’ and believing the lie that being thin is the only way to look healthy. ⁣
⁣
Gone are the days where I put my worth into if I am ‘healthy’ or not because health isn’t an indicator of if I am worthy of being treated like a human being. ⁣
⁣
And though those days have been gone, I am painfully aware of how they could creep up out of no where and take over my brain again. ⁣
⁣
Because those things are an addiction. ⁣
⁣
And I was an addict. ⁣
⁣
I was addicted to the control, addicted to the messages I was taught that fat is bad, addicted to wanting so desperately for someone to notice I was slowly slipping away. ⁣
⁣
And I’ll spend every day of the rest of my life keeping myself in a state of recovery. ⁣
⁣
#eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorderwarrior #orthorexiarecovery #justeatthemeal #fatpositive #bodyneutrality #bodyneutral #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
I am a lot happier on this app without the pressur I am a lot happier on this app without the pressure to post. The pressure to have some kind of post every day, to say something witty or profound, to be seen so hopefully I’ll get noticed by brands so I can work even though I have always taken jobs on my own terms. Now I just exist as I want. I haven’t posted on my feed in a week because I simply didn’t have anything to say. I have been so immersed in my death doula training as well, which if you watch my stories or follow me on my page for that (@queencitydeathdoula) you know that it’s changed my life completely and I know for sure I have found my calling. ⁣
⁣
It feels freeing to just be. If I want to post once a week, I will. If I want to post three times a day, I will. My bank account is sure smaller without getting many influencer job offers anymore or actively hustling to get them, but my heart is bigger, growing, glowing, feeling, all the things. And while I’m not going to say that losing income is worth it because my family is the working poor and statements like that frankly are for people with no money issues (which we have) or that I’ll never take another influencer job again, I feel like I’m where I need to be and whatever opportunity is next will happen. ⁣
⁣
#nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
Just a reminder to my Black non-binary, gender non Just a reminder to my Black non-binary, gender non-conforming, and trans folks in particular as well as my Black folks that are a part of the LGBTQ+ community on the whole:
⁣
This #blackhistorymonth don’t forget that you yourself are Black History. ⁣
⁣
And it isn’t about your accomplishments, being part of LLC Twitter (IYKYK), what your degree is or how much money you make, or if you are lauded on the internet. It’s about every day that you make the choice to get out of bed. It’s about every day that you are still here, even when sometimes it’s feels too hard to be. It’s about existing in a world that doesn’t ‘get it’ and is already a hard walk because of the truth of systemic racism, but you live with even further marginalization. It’s about the fact that you are actively choosing day by day, minute by minute, even second by second, to simply exist. And to maybe flourish, maybe thrive, but don’t lose sight that just EXISTING is worthy of praise. ⁣
⁣
I’m proud of you all. ⁣
⁣
And I’m proud of me too. ⁣
⁣
With All My Love,⁣
⁣
Your non-binary queer Mama, L ✨⁣
⁣
#iamblackhistory #blackhistory #bhm #blacklivesmatter #youareblackhistory#blacktranslivesmatter #blackandlgbtq #oneofthem #blackandnonbinary #blackandtrans #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
I said what I said and I mean what I say. ⁣ ⁣ I said what I said and I mean what I say. ⁣
⁣
If there is any place within a movement for symbols of hate or a comparison to the civil rights movement or the Holocaust? It’s racist. It’s anti-semitic. ⁣
⁣
And as you have the ‘freedom’ to make that choice to be a part of something like that? I and others have the ‘freedom’ to say we think it’s trash. ⁣
⁣
I am actually pretty grateful I have seen some people come out in support of all of this because it’s let me know that for me, they are not safe people and not people I need in my life. Keep that honesty coming. I am sure there will be more because things like this empower folks to let their true colors show. ⁣
⁣
Racism and anti-semitism isn’t just an American problem; it’s global.
Folks have this misconception sometimes that margi Folks have this misconception sometimes that marginalized people always want to be ‘understood’, so said marginalized people are supposed to just put up with whatever in the name of being understood. ⁣
⁣
Can I let you in on a secret that pertains to me?⁣
⁣
I don’t give a crap if people understand me. ⁣
⁣
I’m not going to turn myself inside out in the hopes people can understand my life. I am all for people who want to have a respectful discussion with me, but my goal in life isn’t to do a bunch of emotional labor so people that are determined to believe that something is wrong about me can magically somehow ‘get it’. ⁣
⁣
Get it, or don’t. Like me, or don’t. Want to learn, or don’t. That isn’t on me and isn’t my focus. I’m not a textbook or a search engine. I don’t make my life centered around understanding and approval from other people, beloveds. ⁣
⁣
#nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary  #blackandnonbinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
This is me last night as I was about to start my p This is me last night as I was about to start my pre-work for the end of life doula courses that I will be starting the first week of February through @inelda_doulas. This process of starting this journey has been a few years in the making and I am so happy to be starting it with a program that is focused on equity and inclusivity. My greatest dream with this journey is to be able to serve marginalized communities and provide the dying with guidance, love, support, and most of all compassion. ⁣
⁣
I have never felt so called to do something in my life and to be in my 40th year of life, finally walking in my purpose, is beyond any words I have. 💜⁣
⁣
#deathworker #deathdoula #deathmidwife #deathisnottaboo #endoflifedoula #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
Caturday ✨⁣ ⁣ #lazysaturday #catsofinstagram Caturday ✨⁣
⁣
#lazysaturday #catsofinstagram #caturday #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
We got snow again and everyone in the house is asl We got snow again and everyone in the house is asleep but me, so I went outside alone to enjoy the stillness and breathe it in. It was glorious. It was good to have that moment alone, with myself, by myself, with nothing but magic and quiet around me. Pure bliss just exactly when I needed it. ⁣
⁣
And I know the snow and cold isn’t everyone’s scene, and that’s fine of course; but it’s mine and this was a precious moment so please don’t rain (or should I say snow? 😆) on my moment simply because you’d prefer something different. That’s the beauty of life, we can all find magic in different things. ⁣
⁣
#snowstorm #carolinasnow #charlottenc #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
“Some days are good; some days are not so good. “Some days are good; some days are not so good. Some days are really exciting. Some days are just tedious. You just have to get up out of bed.” - André Leon Talley 🖤⁣
⁣
#andreleontalley #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
Here is something to share so y’all can stop man Here is something to share so y’all can stop manipulating quotes from MLK to fit in with your narrative. Read these words and let them sink in, and consider your role in 2022 in being anti-racist. We are looking for accomplices, not allies. ⁣
⁣
Black folks have been weary of the last couple of years. Where ‘BLM’ was considered a trend and then was cast aside when it felt too uncomfortable and hard to keep the work up.⁣
⁣
Take this day to actually dig deep and choose if you are just going to share tired whitewashed quotes, or are you actually going to do the work. And then DO THE WORK. Don’t tell us about what your plan is, don’t expect cookies and high fives. ⁣
⁣
Just. Do. The. Work. ⁣
⁣
Let that speak for you. ⁣
⁣
#mlkday #mlkquote #blacklivesmatter #stopkillingus #antiracist #accomplice #nonbinary #nonbinarymama #beyondthebinary #nonbinaryblogger #nonbinarymotherhood #spreadblackjoy #blackenbymagic #blackmamas #bohomama #mamalife #witchymama #mamaofthree #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodunfiltered #documentingmotherhood #momentsinmotherhood  #thisismotherhood #charlottebloggers #mamablogger #holdontohope #mamaincolour
Follow on Instagram
This error message is only visible to WordPress admins
There has been a problem with your Instagram Feed.

Copyright © 2022 · Theme by Marketing Templates Co.

Copyright © 2022 · Boho Pampas on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in